I didn’t just arrive here. I didn’t miraculously wake up one day with a whole new outlook on life. With this new state of consciousness where my mind now resides. I’m not suddenly deciding to follow these new beliefs that I share. I’m 43 years old and have been desperately searching for truth and meaning as far back as I can remember. I recall purchasing a text book on philosophy when I was around 13 years old. Although it was written for those with an academic level far beyond where I was in life, it provided me some insight and knowledge until I started understanding more about life. That was the first of many books that I would dive deep into. For well over two decades I would read or listen to countless books, listen to hundreds of podcasts, attend dozens of seminars, retreats, churches, Buddhist temples, Astrology readings, 12 step meetings and anywhere else I thought I might find a shred of evidence that my life had some sort of meaning.
I was aware at a young age that I was different than most. After all, we’re all quite different and unique. I don’t think I am special by any means, I have just been willing to explore how different I am and why. Well, I wasn’t always quite so willing if I am being honest. The truth is that I was only willing to seek until the pain of certain truths started to become clear to me. I have never lacked the ability to tap in to a certain place in my mind which would reveal powerful truths and consciousness. The problem I was repeatedly faced with, was what I would experience in those states of mind just scared the shit out of me. Perhaps I wasn’t ready for an understanding so deep. Or maybe I just had to experience more of life’s struggles and pain. Whatever the case, I simply couldn’t handle what I was seeking.
Every time that I reached a point of personal growth or understanding of some profound meaning of life, I would revert to reducing myself to a more numbing state of mind with alcohol and drugs. Some may call it self sabotage and I could agree with that to some extent, but there was more to it. I certainly don’t profess to have all the answers or a complete understanding by any means, but I also know that nobody ever will. I can only keep an open mind to educate, learn and grow so that I can make a difference in this world.
Why now? Well, I have always sought out ways that I could help others. I have known and believed that helping others in some way shape or form is part of my purpose. While I have accomplished much in the way of speaking, writing and teaching during my 20+ year career in the health and fitness industry, I could never make that move over to sharing my personal life and experiences no matter how much I wanted to. How could I? I was never happy with myself. Knowledge and understanding alone didn’t make me happy. How could I possibly share what I could not show? How could I give advice when I couldn’t look at the man in the mirror?
I am not your guru either! For the Tony Robbins fans out there, you know where that comes from. I don’t claim to be a guru. I have endured a lot of pain and suffering. I have overcome a lot in my life. I have a lot of knowledge. NONE of that makes me any more unique than you or anyone else. Everyone has pain and suffering, millions of people overcome difficult times and move on to live better, more meaningful lives helping others to do the same. I am simply one man. One man willing to do something that I could never do with most of my closest friends and loved ones. Share.
Yeah, maybe I was a greedy kid who didn’t like to share his toys. I don’t think so but shit I don’t remember a lot from my childhood either. I mean damn, I don’t remember much from last week, so anything is possible. I know one thing though. I can’t keep what I have and continue to grow without sharing it with others. There are two people from my life that I constantly think of and what they would want me to do. My mother and my best friend Matt. Both of whom are no longer with us. My mother was a tremendously selfless person who on her deathbed was doing for others. That’s how she lived her life right up until the very end. My best friend Matt was much of the same. Even in the celebrity that was Super Matt, he made time for everyone that he would encounter daily, even strangers. He never said no. It didn’t matter whether it was an autograph, a picture, advice or helping someone in another area of their life. Matt and I were both aligned in our paths as speakers and what it meant to help others. The last conversation I had with him, I promised him that I would follow my purpose. We had hoped to do it together, so I guess I must carry the load now. Time to get busy. I will dedicate the rest of my life, living with purpose and helping others to those two angels that are in my heart every moment of every day.
As I embark on this next phase of my life, I truly hope that I can share something that helps you. Even in the slightest. You don’t have to agree with me, like me or even read any further past this. I take no offense and claim nothing except to share my experience in life. It doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t mean you’ll agree. I honor each person’s individuality and right to believe what they want. I will never try to convince anyone of anything. You must find your truths as I have found mine.